The Path to Adoption with Denise Hendricks
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Description
In this heartfelt episode of The Happily Never After, host Heather McG welcomes Denise Hendricks, an award-winning television producer and proud mom, to share her journey to motherhood through adoption. From her early career days at The Oprah Show to navigating the complexities of adoption, Denise opens up about the challenges and joys of becoming a mother. Tune in to hear about the emotional highs and lows, the importance of a supportive community, and the life-changing decisions that have shaped Denise's path. Whether you're considering adoption or simply seeking a compelling, meaningful story, this episode offers valuable insights, heartfelt moments, and a lot of laughs.
About Denise Hendricks
Denise Hendricks is an award-winning television producer, and writer, but the title she enjoys most is Mom. She has been in the news and entertainment industry for several years producing for: CNN, MSNBC, The Oprah Winfrey Show, the OWN network, HLN, ABC, BET’s late- night talk show The Mo’Nique Show, and for NBC, CBS, ABC and FOX television news affiliates across the country. She is currently Supervising Producer of CNN Headlines, the streaming channel for cable news giant CNN. Denise holds a B.S. in Journalism from Florida A&M University, an M.A. in Christian Education from the Interdenominational Theological Center, and a Screenwriting certificate from Emory University. She is a member of Delta Sigma Theta, Inc., and the Producers Guild of America. Denise resides in Atlanta with her 9 year old son, they both love to travel, visit parks and spend time with family and friends.
• Follow Denise on Instagram: @cdenisehendricks
About Heather McG
Heather is an Emmy and Cannes Lion Grand Prix-winning producer, author, and founder of McG Media. She is the creator of the happily never after, a 360-degree project that explores how life’s endings can lead to a new beginning. A twin mom, endurance athlete, and devoted Trekkie, sitting still has never been her forté.
Transcript
Heather McG (00:20)
Hi everyone. Welcome to the Happily Never After, a podcast where we explore how life's endings can lead to a new beginning. Now, if you enjoy the show, don't forget to rate, review, follow us wherever you are listening or watching the show today. And my guest today, I'm so excited, is Denise Hendricks.
Denise and I worked together many years ago because we were both Oprah Show producers a world away so many years ago, specifically Oprah's Book Club, which was so fun. You may not know this, but Oprah's Book Club, the group that does that is very small. was me, Denise, and our producer, Jill Adams. It's a little group, a little train that could. Anyway, we worked together on that. Denise is so amazing at what she does, but she is also a wonderful human. You made me laugh a lot because she is also very hilarious.
Denise Hendricks (00:50)
Yes.
Heather McG (01:08)
who taught me a lot about producing and a lot about life. And I'm so excited that she is here. Denise is an award-winning television producer. She has had an incredible career and writer, but the title she enjoys most is mom. She has been in the news and entertainment industry for several years, producing for CNN, MSNBC, the Oprah Winfrey Show, the OWN Network, HLN, ABC, BET's Late Night Show, The Monique Show, and for NBC, CBS, ABC, and Fox.
Denise Hendricks (01:35)
You
Heather McG (01:37)
Basically, if you have ever watched a TV show, Denise has probably been in there somehow, someway, at some point over the last few years. She is currently the supervising producer of CNN Headlines, the streaming channel for huge cable news giant CNN. So Denise, I am so happy to welcome you to the show today.
Denise Hendricks (01:45)
Yeah.
Thank you for having me, Heather. I'm so excited to be here today with you.
Heather McG (02:04)
I know I'm excited to catch up and talk about your story here. Cause there were a little glimmers of this way back when we worked together. So I think this is really, I think it's really cool. Some of the people that come on this podcast, they're people I know personally. And so I was like a little bit a part of their store or not a part of their story, but like I'm aware of it. And so it's really neat to see where things have gone. So let's dive right in. I want to start with a big question to talk about what we're here to talk about today. Can you kind of describe what did your journey to motherhood look
Denise Hendricks (02:10)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
Sure, so my journey to motherhood has been an interesting one. So I will say that in my late 30s, early 40s, well, just backing up really quick, I was married and then divorced, but did not have kids. And then in my late 30s, early 40s, the really, I was like, my God, I really wanna be a mother and time is ticking as so many women find themselves in this position. Like, what am I gonna do?
And I actually went down the road of kind of like exploring doing in vitro fertilization, you know, and just, you know, doing this by myself. But my egg reserve was too low. And so basically the specialist said you can still have a child, but you would have to do an egg donor and a sperm donor. So.
Yeah, I would have to do both and they would just implant. was like, yeah, I don't really want to do that. ⁓ So I started researching other options and one of them was adoption. So started researching adoption and basically I went down that road and that led me to motherhood, the adoption route.
Heather McG (03:21)
That's a lot. That's a lot.
And what you're describing, I think is something that a whole lot of women went through. You know, I went through IVF myself and it is actually, it's kind of funny. Once you start like getting into it, you uncover all the other women that are going through it. Cause it's not like we go around with the billboard on our faces, but it actually happens to so many women that want to be moms and there's a journey to get there. How long did it take you? like, I know for me, I was always like, I don't ever want to do IVF. And then push came to shove and I was like, actually it's fine.
Denise Hendricks (03:53)
you
Yes.
Heather McG (04:09)
you know, and like kind of figuring what actually works for you. How did you approach, figuring out what was going to be right for you?
Denise Hendricks (04:10)
Yeah.
First of all, think when I'm a woman of faith, and so there was a lot of prayer involved. I think after the numerous, know, because there was a, there were a lot of doctor's appointments and a lot of going back and forth. And actually my doctor also wanted me to go to a, a therapist too, just to make sure that I was like, like, is this what you really want? So I would say it was about a year and a half of that.
Heather McG (04:34)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Denise Hendricks (04:41)
And then when we got to this point of, here's what it is actually, and here's your options, I just kind of made it up in my mind that I'm gonna go another route. I just made it up in my heart, made it up in my mind. And then I started actually researching adoption and started talking to other friends and family that I knew that had adopted as well. So I could understand kind of like, you know, everybody's journey is different.
everybody's journeys, even with the in vitro, everybody's journey is different. And I knew that the adoption journey would be different for me too, but I at least was able to talk to enough people, married and single, who had done it to form some opinion in my mind of like, yes, this is definitely what I wanna do. I was dating someone at the time, but...
It wasn't serious enough to involve this person in the process. They were aware and supportive of me, not something they wanted to do, be a part of. So it really was a journey that I really kept kind of close to my heart. Probably a handful of people in my family knew, of course my brother, and then a couple of family aunts and uncles, relatives, and then some close friends. There was less than 10 people.
Heather McG (05:41)
Right.
Denise Hendricks (05:57)
that knew and my job and that was it.
Heather McG (06:00)
adoption is really kind of an interesting thing, you know, because we've talked about this, Denise knows this, but many of my siblings are adopted. So I've been, you know, on the sidelines, not as a parent, but on the sidelines as a sibling, been through this process many times. Adoption's interesting because it's one of those things where there is an ending and a beginning happening all at the same time. you've been a mom now for
Denise Hendricks (06:08)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Heather McG (06:24)
number of years at this point, kind of what is your perspective on that aspect of adoption?
Denise Hendricks (06:29)
So it is an ending and a beginning because for the mother, for the birth mom especially, it is an ending for her. She is, I mean, it's almost like a sacrifice. She's giving up her child and she has a reason for giving up her child. So it's almost kind of bittersweet, you know, because it's kind of a sad time for her.
but then a happy time for you. So you kind of feeling all of the emotions. was actually able to be there for Luke's birth with her and I got to cut the umbilical cord and stayed overnight in the hospital with her that first night. And so, you know, we had gotten, once we were matched, it was all, happened very quickly. We were matched and then two months later she gave birth and
She knew they were going to induce her because she was having some complications. So she was like, hey, the doctors saying they're going to induce me tomorrow or whatever. So I had to scramble. I was in Atlanta. She was in Pennsylvania. Get to Pennsylvania, go through the whole thing. But being able to be there for the actual experience with her was a beautiful thing. I will just share this. She...
So Luke was born on a Wednesday. She discharged from the hospital the very next day. And it was just the two of us. Like she did not have that kind of family support that people have. wasn't like some big party in the hospital with all these people. really was just me. So she discharged the next day.
Heather McG (07:53)
Yeah.
Denise Hendricks (08:05)
And then, but she came back to the hospital like that Friday. So it was a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. She came back to the hospital and she brought like a gift. So she had a gift and she also had a letter that I will give to Luke later to read. He's aware of it. That kind of explains why she gave him up. And it was very...
touching and emotional. And for him, it'll be something that it's hard to comprehend now. He's aware that he's adopted. knows that he has a mother and father in another part of the United States. And he'll ask questions about them from time to time. And I can tell him what I know. I'm actually still in contact with his birth mom. We communicate once every couple of months via email.
Just giving her updates on what he's doing how he's doing, you know first day of school Halloween, you know Baptism, know, whatever we you know what and then the holidays, of course birthdays So we keep I keep her up to date on you know, how he's doing how he's growing how he's progressing which is good But yes, it's it was a it was an ending for her. It was a beginning for me So and now it's nine years later Yeah
Heather McG (09:16)
Yeah.
Wow, I still remember.
I remember you announcing bringing Luke home and it was so exciting, so happy. Now that Luke is nine, what kinds of questions does he ask? Or does he ask questions about where he came from and the experience? I think this could be helpful to other people out there that are thinking about adopting or maybe they're a little earlier in the process than you are. What kind of questions does Luke ask?
Denise Hendricks (09:23)
Yes. Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Well, he definitely asked. He asked about his birth parents. He asked why they gave him up. He definitely knows he knows where he was born. He knows kind of like the the beginning of the birth story because I took so many pictures. ⁓ When I asked him when he asked me, you know why they gave him up, I tell him, you know. You know, at the time they needed help and they needed someone.
Heather McG (09:56)
haha
Denise Hendricks (10:10)
to take care of you because they just weren't able to take care of you in the way that they wanted to take care of you. And so they asked me if I could take care of you and I was so happy to take care of you and to be your mother and to raise you and introduce you to my family, which is your family. it didn't miss a beat. So I tell them that. Now he asked, he still asks a lot. He also asked if they have siblings, if his...
And he does, he does have siblings. So it's like a really complicated story that he doesn't know all the details of, but I tell him when you're older, you know, we'll tell you more of the story. And I said, maybe you'll get a chance to meet her one day when you're older. And then you can ask her some of these questions, you know yourself. But one thing I will say is I think it's really important to be open and honest.
And you know, if you feel it in your heart, I feel like it's an early, start telling him early on. I think I started telling him his adoption story when he was like around three or four. So, you know, just so he can have some idea, like he didn't really get it at first, but now he understands, you know, now he understands. And I wouldn't say that he feels like any different. Like he still calls me mommy. And I mean, I'm still his primary caregiver and he's really only known my family.
So aunts, uncles, friends, cousins, all of that stuff. So that's very ingrained, it's a part of his life. But I think he has a desire to one day know who they are, talk to them, and maybe even get to know his siblings. So I feel like that will happen at some point later when he's older, not now. Yeah.
Heather McG (11:54)
Yeah, yeah,
well that's really amazing that you have a relationship there and that it's really so open in that way in a way that's been really wonderful and beautiful. That's great. I know that's not the case for everybody, but that's so I'm really happy for you that worked out for you all.
Denise Hendricks (11:59)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Thank
you. I'm glad it worked out too.
Heather McG (12:12)
Yeah, and that you got to be there. That's amazing. Now, can you?
Denise Hendricks (12:15)
Yes! Yes, and I got
to be there from the beginning. Yes.
Heather McG (12:21)
Yeah, I think that's really special. now for a lot of people, I think a lot of people don't understand how adoption works. And it is different depending on the state, depending on, know, sometimes people are adopting babies, sometimes they are adopting older children. I know you can only speak for yourself, but like for you, what does the adoption process look like?
Denise Hendricks (12:42)
So for me the adoption process Because I wanted to do first of all, I wanted a baby So and then I wanted a newborn so I knew that I was probably more than likely gonna have to go the private adoption route So at the beginning you're still going through you're going through an agency First I went through a nonprofit to do like the background check and all of that stuff. It was right here in Georgia
And it is a lot. Like it's not only, it's a background check, a criminal background check, a national FBI background check. It's a financial, they check your financial, psychological. They have someone come to your house like two or three times to do home studies. And then for this particular group that I worked with, they also have you do parenting and adoption classes too.
So I had to do 10 hours of that. It was kind of rigorous. Like I know like most people who having babies don't go through all this before they have to it.
Heather McG (13:36)
a lot.
Right, like if you're
pregnant and having a baby, I think there's like a one hour class and that's it. There should be parenting classes for all parents.
Denise Hendricks (13:44)
Exactly!
Right, for all parents.
It was a lot. It was a lot. Went through a lot. once you get through that period of passing all the background checks and they make sure you're sane, you know, and can actually take care of a child and that your home is appropriate and all of that stuff, then I picked an agency. And what I did was because I knew I was adopting as a single woman, I picked an agency that I knew was friendly.
to what some people call non-traditional adoptions. And that would be single people, LGBTQ plus couples, and so on and so forth. And actually, Heather, I felt like...
I felt like it was really meant to be, you know, of course I was praying about it and if this is meant to be great, if not, you know, we'll go on. I'm fine. But it happened very fast. So the whole process for me from start to, and what I mean from when I contacted them to do the research and then start the background check to the time I was matched with Luke's mother and then his biological mother.
Heather McG (14:33)
Yeah.
Denise Hendricks (14:59)
then she had the baby and then it was finalized, like finalized by a judge. It was 11 months.
Heather McG (15:10)
so, well, two, whenever Luke was born. Okay, okay.
Denise Hendricks (15:12)
Well, no, I take that back, wait a minute.
14, it was 14 months. And really the whole background check process and all of...
Heather McG (15:17)
Okay,
Denise Hendricks (15:21)
the stuff they do, really is dependent upon you because it's how fast you get them the information and do the background checks and go get fingerprinted and all of that stuff. Do the drug test. A lot of it is on you and how fast you get the information to the agency.
Heather McG (15:37)
Now
for matching, how does that work? Like what does that process look like? And this is all to like help people that are thinking about adoption. So maybe they have more information about how the process.
Denise Hendricks (15:42)
So this is very interesting. Yeah.
Yeah, so
the particular agency that I went with is very interesting is that you are not picking the mom. The mom is picking you. So the birth mom is really almost like online dating. So basically you as a, you write a letter and do a profile and you kind of are.
saying why you would be a good parent. And these birth moms are looking over all these different profiles and they're looking at what you've written about your life and about how you would be a great mother or father And they're deciding like, I think this person is the person I want to raise my unborn child. And that's basically how it happened. And I was actually...
matched with three different people. So the first two, the first person I was matched with, we talked for a little bit, and then midway through the process, she decided that she was gonna keep her baby. The second person I was matched with, she just disappeared. Which sometimes this happens, where you're starting to get to know them on the phone, because they could be anywhere. You're getting to know them, and...
And then, you know, they just, like, they just stopped communicating. So she did, she just stopped communicating. And I probably was, we probably had talked for a couple months, a couple times a week. And then she just stopped communicating. And then the third person I was matched with was actually Luke's biological mother. And she was very, you know, we just, clicked. Her due date, Heather, was actually...
The original due date, Luke was supposed to be born on my birthday.
Isn't that crazy? Little sign, but then he came early. So, don't want to share a right? Neither one of us do. We're both Geminis, but we did not want to share a So, that was good. So yeah, so then I was matched with his birth mom. And then it was like two months after that he was born. And then right away I was able to...
Heather McG (17:30)
That's a little sign.
He was like, I don't want to share a birthday with my mom.
Denise Hendricks (17:55)
because we were in another state, we were in Pennsylvania, you can't just leave the state right away with a baby that's not technically yours. yes, exactly. So you have to wait until the state agencies clear you to come back to the state. And it took about, I think I was in Pennsylvania, I was staying at Airbnb in Pennsylvania with Luke when he was first born for about two and a half weeks.
Heather McG (18:03)
Kidnapper, Denise Hendricks, kidnapper.
But that was a little challenging with a newborn.
Denise Hendricks (18:26)
Two and a half weeks. Well, my cousin, thank God, she came up to help. And the family that I was staying with, I was staying actually on the top floor of a house in ⁓ Pennsylvania. And the family, basically they were like, you can have the whole top floor. And they also had, is crazy story, but they were fairly well, they were both attorneys.
Heather McG (18:51)
Okay.
Denise Hendricks (18:52)
Yeah, and it's a really nice house. And so they also had a housekeeper and the housekeeper, she was helping. Like she would come up and check on us, make sure we were okay. Yeah, make sure the baby needed anything. It was crazy. It was like out of a movie. And then, you know, when the couple found out that, you know, what I was doing, what I was doing there, they were like, oh my God, we have six month old.
grandbabies, but they don't live here, but we have this portable crib here that you can use so that they set up the crib for me before when I was bringing them home. was crazy. Yeah.
Heather McG (19:28)
That's so sweet! Well, it's kind of funny,
like right from the beginning you've got a village there.
Denise Hendricks (19:33)
Yes, right from the beginning. So that was great. It was great. It worked out. It worked out that all of that kind of started coming together. And then I was able to, and then I had a friend come up and help us get back to Atlanta, you know, with the car seat and all the baby stuff and everything I had accumulated in two and a half weeks. And, um, and then we came back down to Georgia and then, know, started life.
Heather McG (20:00)
Well, it's amazing how you're making me laugh because I'm picturing y'all outfitting the car to get back to ⁓ your home. And it's just amazing to me the amount of, you know, like I think most people when they're gonna, when they're a baby, it's like, you know, I don't want to have tons of stuff. I don't need lots of stuff. It doesn't matter. You're going to end up with a lot of stuff. It's like out of control. And it's just like, you start throwing things at the problem. Like maybe the swing will help them sleep. Nope, doesn't work. And then you've got a swing. I'm going to try this.
Denise Hendricks (20:25)
That's right.
The bouncy jumper thing, the swing. ⁓ What was the thing we had, like the little, beyond, maybe beyond.
Heather McG (20:31)
it.
Snuggly? Yes, yes,
yes, yeah, yeah, those things. And it's just like, I couldn't ever, like I remember when my kids were babies, I would think about it and I would just be like, I wouldn't, you know, there's those memes about dogs, how dogs will never make it out in the wild, you know, if they were still, and I was like, I would never make it in those days before, bjorns and jumpers and swings and all of those things that we have now. think back to Little House on the Prairie times, I'm like, I would have never made it.
Denise Hendricks (20:59)
Yes!
Right, never, never. Yeah.
Heather McG (21:05)
No. Okay,
so what has surprised you most about being a mom? Like I know you did your research and you know, you are someone who is on it about everything, but in the experience of it, what has surprised you with the most?
Denise Hendricks (21:17)
So I have to say that the thing that has surprised me the most is the amount of help you need. So I don't think people realize you really do need help with your children. need help. You need help. You need, you cannot do this on your own.
And even, you know, when you're married and you have a spouse, depending on the level of engagement of either of the spouses, you are gonna need a good support system to help you with all aspects of, you know, you really need the village. mean, people, it's a cliche, it takes a village to a, it really does take a village. And I would say,
for someone who works and likes to travel and do all this other stuff, you really need that help. And you need the help in just helping them navigate through life. The support system that you need to help them with school and help them with their activities and making friends and all these things that come at these different stages of their lives. think one of the most fascinating thing, and you know this too, from having children is
like the changes that happens when they grow. Like it has really been, I mean, because, I mean, you have your own life. So you grow up, right? You grow up. But when you watch someone else go from being a tiny little baby, and then they're eating solid foods and then they're, you know, potty training, and then they're walking. then, you know, when you watch all the stages,
It really is a beautiful thing to watch the growth of a human being. And then as they start to come into their personalities and their feelings and their emotions, and then for people like you, know, they have more than one, then you get to see, this child is like this. And this child is like, my God, these kids, you know, it doesn't matter if they're twins or not, they're gonna have, they have their different personalities start to come out. And so.
Heather McG (23:12)
these children.
Denise Hendricks (23:20)
I think it has really been, it's like the wonder of birth and then the human experience to just be a part of someone's growth in the world and kind of watching my son develop and grow and kind of formulate his own interests and.
And this is what I want to do. And no, I don't because you know, like you're like, I steer him one way and he's like, I really don't want to do karate anymore. Mom, I don't want to do it, but you're good at it. Yeah, I don't do it. You know, I want to do this. Like he was very adamant the other day about joining the art club at school. Over the chess club.
Heather McG (23:47)
now.
like
well yeah it's kind of like you know I grew up doing theater and and I swear I swear to God I have tried so hard to steer my kids away from theater like no no no theater it's starving artistville and you Denise knows has seen pictures of my children and it's very clear where they're headed and it's just like it just like they're gonna go where they're gonna go and you just have to support it because that's who they are
Denise Hendricks (24:09)
Yeah.
Yes!
Yes!
They're gonna...
That's who they are. He was like, I want to do the art club. This is such and such as my art teacher. And she does say, I mean, and his teachers have said this over the year, like he's very focused and serious about art and he's actually really good. So she was like, he really should be in the art club. So I was like, okay, he's going to be in these. He's going to do the art club. He wants to do the art club. You know, I'm going to let that go. You want to be an artist? Bye.
Heather McG (24:51)
Are you sure you don't
want to go into robotics? Perhaps.
Denise Hendricks (24:55)
I asked him if he wanted to do the robotics club at church. He was like, no, no, I wanna paint.
Heather McG (24:55)
Yeah, no, I...
Okay, well, you know, I mean, I will share this because it sounds like you've gone through this too. Something that I think has been my biggest lesson as a mom is I have learned when they have an idea, get out of the way. Like when they have something they wanna do, something creative, like, well, and like you and I are both people who have expertise in these areas. And so then like, I wanna get in there and do it with them. I have learned I mess it up.
Denise Hendricks (25:03)
Okay!
Yes!
Heather McG (25:26)
I mess it up, I ruin it, and I just need to get out of there and let them do what they're gonna do and get them the crayons or the markers or whatever they need to make whatever they're making and let it be what it's gonna be and just get out of the way and trust their instincts.
Denise Hendricks (25:37)
That is true.
No, you're absolutely right. You just have to let them be, let them be. Cause they're going to create their own vision of whatever it is. And they have something in their little minds that they really want to get across. I mean, it's important for us to kind of like still steer them and guide them in the direction we need to steer them and guide them in. but yes, there's a part of parenting where you have to kind of let them figure it out on their own.
Heather McG (26:05)
Yeah, yeah for sure.
Denise you are a woman with a big career. You've got a big life You've got a lot going on what have been the biggest challenges and I and I just want to recognize you Denise and I are both sensitive to this women get asked these questions all the time, but it is also a real thing So I would love to know what you're you know, how do you do it? Cuz like I'm also I'm a divorced mom So there's a lot to it and I would just love to know how do you
approach your career. Luke, I know you just moved home. Like how do you handle your life?
Denise Hendricks (26:36)
So. ⁓
Heather McG (26:38)
You're like, help, I need help.
Denise Hendricks (26:41)
Yes, so.
There's a, you know, I have a lot, there's a lot of prayer and meditation that goes into how I just navigate like on a day to day. But then I also cannot be afraid to ask for help and to actually, you know, form, you know, networks of people and of help, you know, wherever I go, whatever it Like Luke so far has lived
you know, in here in Atlanta, in New York and the DC area. And so everywhere that I've been, I've definitely made sure that I made, you know, mom friends, either through his school, through Cub Scouts, soccer, you know, whatever. I definitely have been, you know, just been involved so I could not only keep up with what he's doing, but also so I could make friends and create a village wherever we are.
And yeah, I just, I just really think it's important that you have people that you can lean on, that you can be honest with, that you can, um, you know, have them have those moments of like, Oh my God, I do not know what I'm doing at all. You know, help me, you know, especially people, you know, I have a lot of friends now who, cause I started late, whose kids are in high school and college. So they've been a great source for me of.
you know, parenting, discipline, you know, things that they've already been through, relying on them for like advice here and there. having that network and that support system wherever you are in the parenting journey, I think is just so important.
Heather McG (28:17)
Now, and two, what are, you I know for me, you know, and again, I was in a different spot. I was in a different role because I experienced adoption through the role of a sibling. What do you wish that more people understood about adoption or what are the things that you encounter that you're like, ooh, you have no idea and I kind of wish you did? You know, whether it's someone that wants to adopt or someone that's just a regular person out there.
Denise Hendricks (28:41)
That's a good question. I've never been asked that question before.
I think that when it comes to adoption, people have all their preconceived notions about why you're not married and don't have children, which can be annoying sometimes. So, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I really don't mind talking about the adoption or telling the adoption story. It doesn't bother me at all to talk about the adoption story.
Heather McG (28:58)
I can imagine. I can imagine. I can see your face too.
Denise Hendricks (29:12)
I think that one thing that people ask a lot about, but I do not share, is why Luke's birth mother gave him up. And it's a question that comes up a lot. And the reason why I don't share it, and there's some things that I do not share, is because there are some things I feel like are his story. And then there will be a time that...
he will learn those things and if he wants to share them, he can share them. And if not, then, you know, it's his business, you know, in the end, and his birth mom. So there's some things I think people dig a little too deep into and I don't share it really to protect him, just to protect him, you know, and his story and his, so he can have his own narrative about, you know, what this all is and what this all means in the end.
Heather McG (29:59)
Yeah, you know, you're making me think about, and I think this like extrapolates out to other types of situations like, you know, like I'm thinking about, you know, like I'm from this huge family. And I think when people encounter things that they're not used to, or they can't, maybe they can't personally relate to it, it's almost, I don't know the right words for it. It's almost like they treat it like a TV show or something, and not like your real life where it actually matters. And,
Denise Hendricks (30:09)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Heather McG (30:25)
It can get really frustrating. It's like, this is not a joke. This is not like inside edition. This is not some show you're watching. This is my actual life, just because you don't maybe understand it. And there's no way to say that nicely. So then it kind of puts you in a deer in headlights position where you're like, I don't know what to say. So I'm still polite, but also I don't play along with it.
Denise Hendricks (30:44)
Exactly.
Heather McG (30:45)
But I just think that's really interesting. Okay, so for you, what advice would you give to other adoptive parents? think there's a lot of things for me now that I'm grown up and I'm thinking back to my siblings and us growing up. And I know, I think we made a lot of mistakes in a lot of ways in our family and how we handled adoption. Things that I wish we would have known. Is there anything that you wish you would have known or big advice you would give to other adoptive parents that you think might be helpful?
Denise Hendricks (31:01)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, one, think you should definitely be honest and transparent about the adoption. And I say that knowing some other adoptive parents who were not and who told their children later when they were older, like teenagers, and it was not good. It was not a good scenario just because it's so long. It's such a long wave of time. So I think you should.
Heather McG (31:26)
Yeah.
Right.
Denise Hendricks (31:38)
definitely find ways at appropriate stages of their, you know, as they're growing up to tell them their adoption story. And there are things, I mean, you're not gonna tell them the whole thing, but I think they need to know that, you know, they have another birth mother and birth father. So I think that's just really important for people to be open and transparent about.
Heather McG (31:54)
Yeah. Yes.
Denise Hendricks (32:00)
And also it's the age that we live in. We live in an age where we share a lot of information on social media and just period in our lives. And so I just think they're going to find out one way or the other, you know, whether it's from some other kid overhearing it from their parent or, you know, from you. And it's better that it comes from you. And this is going to sound a little strange, but actually,
One thing I was able to do with his birth mother was, to turn over like her medical records from the last two years. You know, it sounds a little technical, but it actually was very helpful. Yeah, it's very, very important. And I will tell you that,
Heather McG (32:34)
⁓ yeah.
Yeah, right. Yeah, it's important. It's actually really important if you can get it, yeah.
Denise Hendricks (32:47)
you know, something I didn't think about, because everything happened so fast. Like from the time I was matched, from the time I started the adoption process, you know, I said the whole thing was 14 months, the whole thing. But from the time I was actually matched with an agency to the time I was matched with his birth mom and to his birth, it was about seven months, seven or eight months. And so I really hadn't even researched like,
childcare providers, daycares, babysitters, nannies, supports, like all of that. I hadn't even locked in a pediatrician. Everything was like.
Heather McG (33:16)
Mm-hmm.
You had to
lock that down quick when you found out.
Denise Hendricks (33:28)
My god, everything was like like I was like, oh my god, I forgot there's just a lot of stuff that you find out like as you're going along like oh I do need to get this child a pediatrician
Heather McG (33:40)
diapers, don't forget diapers.
Denise Hendricks (33:42)
Right, right, all of the things. So, and then stuff just keeps coming up at every stage. But I mean, in the end, it's been fun. And I will say, you gotta have fun. You gotta have fun. You gotta take your time, because they grow up so fast. So the little things that we've been able to do, like, okay, we were able to do this at two and three and four, you know, little baby swim classes, all that fun stuff you do when they're really little. And then they really do outgrow stuff. And then they'll be like, that's for babies.
Like, da da da. When in your mind, you're still like, you are still my little baby. But I get it. We can't do that anymore. You've outgrown that. Now you want to do this, that, and the other. So, you know, I think it's important to really, you know, maximize that each stage that you really, you know, and I hate to be like, like our over days, but you should live in the moment.
Heather McG (34:18)
Nope.
Denise Hendricks (34:39)
And you should be present like Eckhart Tolle would say, you have to be present, have to be fully engaged. Really just, you know, really enjoy that time that you have with them because they do grow up very fast. Like they're babies and then they're in the fourth grade, you know, like want to join clubs and spend time with their friends and, you know.
Heather McG (34:44)
mindful.
Well you posted pictures.
and say no
to you about like, hey, can we do this? Nope, I refuse.
Denise Hendricks (35:07)
Nope.
Exactly.
Heather McG (35:10)
Yeah, you posted
a picture of Luke the other day. was like, oh my God, I thought it was a baby. It's not a baby anymore. It happens very fast. Zooming out, this show is all about how life's endings can lead a new beginning. And today we've been talking all about adoption. Taking the big zoom out for you, Denise, what endings in your life have really just changed you the most?
Denise Hendricks (35:16)
I know, he's big. Yeah.
Heather McG (35:32)
We're getting to the big questions, you know we're at the end so that I'm gonna like drop the big questions
Denise Hendricks (35:32)
Hmm.
Yeah. So what endings? Okay. So of course, you my parents are both, they both transitioned. passed on when I was in my early twenties, like my senior year of college and then going into my job. So I'd say that was probably the most life-changing thing that I've ever experienced, that I've ever gone through. And it was an ending.
Heather McG (35:39)
Yeah.
Denise Hendricks (36:00)
Um, but I will say that the foundation that they laid in me allowed me to do things like say, you know what? I'm gonna adopt a child. I'm going to adopt a child. You get one life. You got to do, we got to do what you got to do, you know? And it also allowed me to take risk. Also just like, even in my single life, like, I'm born Chicago to work for Oprah. I'm going to Atlanta to do this. I'm going to go to New York and work for the, you know what I mean? Like a lot of.
That ending kind of made me see life in a different way. One that was like, hey, tomorrow's not promised. You could be here one day and gone the next. So it was an ending that was a framework for the rest of my life and really enjoying each day, taking everything in or trying to enjoy each day, but really also not.
holding grudges, not being mad at people forever. Even in our business, even in the television business, which can be really crazy, I've never really been one to lose my mind in the control room. I've always been the calm one.
Heather McG (37:05)
Yeah. Yeah.
Denise Hendricks (37:08)
you
know, steady, even keeled. I know how to make a clear decision, you know. And I think that that ending helped me, like, subsequently in everything that I've approached, really. It has really, you know, framed my whole life. So.
Heather McG (37:20)
Yeah.
Well, you're making me think about, just as I was listening to you talk, you were making me think about, you know, there are people that we meet, for me, I love going to dinner by myself. I will take solo trips. You know, if there's something I wanna do, I go do it. And I was just listening to you talk about the things that you've decided, I wanna do this, I'm gonna do it. You only get one life. And I think about, also encounter people that are hesitant to like go to dinner alone, you know, or go to a movie alone.
And I think what you're talking about is really an opportunity to live the life of your dreams and don't let like preconceived notions hold you back from doing something that is really important to you. You can do it.
Denise Hendricks (38:01)
That's right.
That's right. You can do it. You can absolutely do it. And I'm like you, I like going to dinner by myself. I like it. Like I enjoy, like if I can't round up the troops to go do a whole bunch, I'm going anyway. Like I went to a candle making thing by myself. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to this place. I'm going to make these camp. But I made friends while I was there. So I'm, know.
Heather McG (38:07)
Yeah.
that's not fun. That's fun.
Denise Hendricks (38:25)
Any interesting thing I can try or do, or like you said, I've traveled solo too out of the country. Because, I mean, you just never know. If there's something out there you wanted to do, you gotta go for it. You gotta take the risk and trust that if your inner spirit is guiding you in this direction, there's a reason that it's pushing you to go do these things. And you can't really wait around for other people because other people have their own.
They have their own issues kind of formulating their walks. So you have to kind of like move in your own space.
Heather McG (38:58)
Yeah, I think there is something to listening to your heart. sometimes your gut and your heart know things before your brain does. You know, it's kind of like when you're looking for a story for something, there's like a pole there that maybe you don't understand at the beginning and then it starts to all take shape and you figure it out and there's something to it.
Denise Hendricks (39:15)
Mm-hmm, I agree.
Heather McG (39:16)
I'm going to drop an Oprah question on you because anyone that I talked to that used to work at Oprah, I drop it on them because a they'll think it's funny and B I think it's interesting to ask you because I know you scripted this for other people to answer. What do you know for sure?
Denise Hendricks (39:19)
Okay.
Yeah.
Heather McG (39:33)
I'm sure Denise was like, what are you going to do to me here?
Denise Hendricks (39:36)
Yeah
What I know for sure is number one, that God is real and that I feel like that my spirit has guided me throughout this journey of life. ⁓
to where and it's led me to where I am today as a, you know, and it's gonna sound clear, but as a mother, as a television producer, even working for Oprah and all these other amazing journalists that I've worked for, I feel like that is all a part of my spiritual journey here on earth.
And that is what I know for sure. And it has been enlightening. I can't say every day has been like roses and lollipops, but what I can say is that I am very, very, very, very grateful, very grateful for this life and for all the opportunities that I've been afforded in this lifetime. It's been...
It's been a great experience. It's been grand to kind of like walk on the earth and and like see things unfold. And, you know, I have to say, like being a mother and navigating that has been like the highlight of the journey. really is amazing, like even with up and down days to just watch this unfold. So, you know, I think back to like.
like when Luke was like first born like there's I feel like there's always these milestones you have to get to um like the sleep training and like that beginning when you're like like I was like oh my god like the three out like I remember when I left the hospital the doctors they give you like the you know they're like you're gonna have to feed the baby every three hours and I was like what like
Heather McG (41:12)
black that out.
Yeah, yeah.
Denise Hendricks (41:28)
Yes, you gotta feed it every three hours. I'm like, okay. Right in the no sleep for three months.
Heather McG (41:32)
Is that what you called your
cousin? I was like, I think I need backup.
Denise Hendricks (41:38)
Yes, that's what she came right away. She came right away to Pennsylvania. It was hilarious. I was like, this is nuts. I was like, people don't even know what they're getting themselves into and they never talk about it. Right. I was like, I was never talking about it. And I was like, but the thing is, that again, you get through these, you get through each little hump and then there's like another thing and then you get through that and then there's another thing that's good. But in between all that, there's like, you know,
Heather McG (41:52)
I want you to them.
Denise Hendricks (42:06)
their cute little smiles and the fun things you do with them at Christmas and their little pajamas and their little clothes and then as they get older, I mean, it's just like, it's amazing. It really, really, really is amazing and it's definitely worth it. It's worth it.
Heather McG (42:24)
Thank you so much for being here today, Denise. It was so fun to catch up with you. still remember these stories are so great with the people that are my friends in my personal life, you know, because our guests are a mix of people that I'm meeting for the first time and people that I know. And I remember Denise and I worked together, I think we worked together maybe for about three years, I think on the same team, if I remember correctly, it about three years. And I remember you talking about becoming a mom. So I remember that. And then I remember when you posted about Luke coming home and I was just like so happy for you.
Denise Hendricks (42:41)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Heather McG (42:53)
And because I, because we weren't talking every day at that time. So I didn't know that you were working on this. It was just like a surprise and it was just really exciting to see.
Denise Hendricks (42:53)
No
Yeah.
Yeah, it was exciting for me too because it was like the over show was over already. Yeah, like it was way, yeah, it was 2016. So like we had been, you know, done and gone. Everybody was on their own worlds, but we were all connected on social media, which.
Heather McG (43:07)
for sure. Yes.
We have a Facebook
group for all the people that worked for Oprah. It's pretty funny.
Denise Hendricks (43:21)
It is good. I love it. I love catching up. So yeah, it's been good. It's been good. And I'm so, I'm so proud of you, Heather, and how you've grown and evolved and just to see your growth journey on social media as well too. It's been amazing.
Heather McG (43:24)
Yeah, that would be us.
Yeah, I'm so happy to see you and thank you for being here. Now if people want to follow you, work with you, I know you've got your own job so I don't know if you're even looking for that but if you are, where can people find you in addition to watching CNN headlines? Do that.
Denise Hendricks (43:48)
Yeah. Okay. Yes, yes. Definitely
take, watch CNN headlines. is our, it's the streaming channel for CNN. You can find it on platforms like Amazon Prime, Pluto, 2B, you know, so on and so forth. And then of course you can also go to cnn.com and you can click on the CNN headlines icon on CNN and stream it right from your phone. So shameless plug. ⁓
Heather McG (44:16)
I love
it.
Denise Hendricks (44:17)
But also, you can find me on Instagram at C Denise Hendrix, LinkedIn at Denise Hendrix on LinkedIn. I think those are the two best places. I am on threads and blue sky and X and TikTok, but I would say the places where I'm most active are Instagram and LinkedIn, those two places.
Heather McG (44:37)
That's great. And I will link all of that in the show notes so that it's easy for people to find you. Thank you to everybody out there that's listening. Thank you for listening to our show today, especially those of you who are on your own journey. We hope this was helpful to you and I hope you have a good week.
Denise Hendricks (44:50)
Thank you.