Coming Back after a Car Crash with Sydney Davis Jr. Jr.
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Description
In this conversation, Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. shares her harrowing experience of being hit by a car and the subsequent challenges she faced, including dealing with the insurance company and the emotional toll it took on her life. She discusses the longterm impact of stress, the journey of working through trauma, and finding new purpose after a life-altering event. The conversation emphasizes the need for vulnerability, courage, and determination in the face of a new reality.
About Sydney Davis Jr. Jr.
Sydney Davis is a comedian, satirist and host of the podcast Growing Up Fundie. Her standup comedy special, Trash, is available on Amazon Prime, and she holds an MFA in creative non fiction. She currently lives in Arizona with one husband, four parrots, and three venus fly traps.
Follow her on IG: @sydneydavisjrjr
YouTube: SydneyDavisJrJr
Transcript
Heather Mcginley (00:42)
All right, Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. is a comedian, satirist, and host of the podcast Growing Up Fundy. Her stand-up comedy special Trash is available on Amazon Prime, and she holds an MFA in creative nonfiction, which is my dream. I love that.
She currently lives in Arizona with one husband, one rescue dog, four parrots, and two Venus fly traps. Sydney, I am so glad to have you here. Thank you for coming.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (01:05)
Yes.
Yeah, thanks for having me. so excited to be here. I've been looking forward to this for a very long time.
Heather Mcginley (01:15)
Good, yeah, we're gonna talk about some stuff. what Sydney's here to talk about today, she had a big thing that happened in her life. She's gonna put that to you to talk about. But I know today is kind of the first day that you're really talking about openly what it was, how it impacted you, and all those things. So to start, can you talk to us a little bit about what was going on in your life? I believe it was early last year.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (01:26)
Yeah.
Yeah, so the event itself happened in January of 2024. And at that time, I had been doing stand up and storytelling and performing arts related things for about 16 years. And I had been doing my podcast for about three years. So a big part of my life was teaching
courses like stand up and storytelling, drafting curriculum for theaters, performing in different parts of the country, and then also talking to people on my podcast about very sensitive topics. I mean, you were my first podcast guest, which I still think is awesome. Like you're still one of my most popular episodes. But, you know, trying to figure out a way to talk to people and help them tell their stories.
for the first time, a lot of times for the very first time, they've had somebody just say, tell me about it. I'm not going to interrupt you. I might ask you some questions, but just, you know, shoot it straight, I guess. And so trying to figure out like how to put mine out there was, you know, you are never good at taking your own advice, essentially. And so I knew that there there was an opportunity for me to kind of share my experience, but one
Heather Mcginley (02:22)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (02:49)
putting it into words is difficult, especially like, you know, like, I've studied writing, like I was still I had just graduated with my master's, you know, writing and putting things into words and being a storyteller shouldn't be hard. But when it comes to things that you're afraid people won't understand, or they won't get, you would sometimes rather just not talk about it and just leave it there and not make anything about that topic or push through or whatever, then
Heather Mcginley (03:02)
Yeah.
All
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (03:18)
be all over the place, be super public about it, which again, super ironic given everything else goes online, you know, at least in my life.
Heather Mcginley (03:21)
Yeah.
Right.
Well, and I think too, I feel you so hard because I think you and I have had different careers, but both aligned in helping other people tell their stories. And it is very different when you're telling your own story. Just like you said, it is so hard. bet you it's going to make you even better at your podcast and even better in your main lines of work because you have, would imagine, heightened empathy for the courage it takes to tell your story. It's hard.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (03:39)
Yes.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (03:55)
don't you tell us, give us the overview of what happened so we know what the context is and then let's dive into what you learned from it, how it impacted you and where you're at now.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (04:04)
Yeah, so it's so hard to... It's one of those, unless you were there, it's really hard to articulate what happened. So I'm going to do my best without, you know, stringing your audience along. Like nobody was murdered. I'm sorry if that's what you're here for. If you're part of the true crime people. Right. That's a different... ⁓ So I was hit by a car.
Heather Mcginley (04:22)
That's a different podcast.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (04:29)
I was in my car and I was actually hit by a large van, a big stereotypical white work van. And one thing that people should know about me is I am 33, but I didn't get my driver's license until I was 29. Right, so this was my, right. So lockdown is when I got my driver's license, because I'd been living in Chicago, you know, there's the trains and then the only time I would leave, I would fly somewhere and then somebody picks you up at the airport. And then the next thing you know, you're almost 30 years old and you don't have a driver's license.
Heather Mcginley (04:42)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (04:56)
And I moved to Chicago when I was in high school. So I took the train there when, you know, back in my hometown, that's when everybody was getting their licenses and stuff. But ⁓ so I, this was my first accident. I'd never been in an accident before. And essentially, anybody who's been to Nashville, which is where I was living at the time knows that driving there is like driving in hell. It's like driving yourself straight to hell every day. So
two cars in front of me had slammed on their brakes. so I had to, luckily there was enough space in between us. So I was able to slam on my brakes, but the van behind me, and I saw this happen in slow motion. The man, I don't know where he was looking. I don't know if he was looking at his lap, at a phone. I don't know, but he just didn't slow down. He just hit me 60 miles an hour, just slammed into the back of my car. And that in itself,
isn't necessarily the worst part, although now in hindsight, I do think I have maybe a little bit of like, maybe I did, I should have gone to the hospital and probably didn't. But what happened, what really set this whole thing in motion is when I got out of the car, because I wanted to make sure he was okay, he got out of the car, he wanted to make sure I was okay. And he started saying things like, man, that was impossible. That was impossible.
Like, there's no way I couldn't have hit you, right? Like, that was impossible. I had to hit you, right? And I said, no, I don't think that was impossible. And he goes, well, you saw what happened back there. That was impossible. And I said, well, I didn't hit the car in front of me, right? And he goes, yeah, yeah, you're right. And I said, yeah, so I think it was possible, but hey, you know, we're both, we're both okay. We're both alive. And we were on an overpass while this is going on. So cars are like driving around us. So I said, hey, why don't we pull off
on the side of the road up ahead. And I had a sense that he was gonna drive away. So I got his name, I got his phone number, I got some of his information and I said, okay, follow me. And when I pull over, you pull over. Because I didn't trust this man to pick a safe spot to pull over. If there even is one in Nashville, Tennessee on the side of the road, I don't think so. So we pull over to the side of the road and I can just hear metal scraping the ground. Like I know I'm just like, I don't know what kind of language you use on this podcast, but I...
Heather Mcginley (06:40)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (07:06)
I was effed. was, okay, yeah, yeah, it was bad. And again, first accident, I'm like, well, this is just great. This isn't a fender bender, like we gotta sit here. And so I pull up and he pulls up behind me again, gigantic white work van. And he comes up to my window and he says, hey, I'm on the phone with my insurance and they say that you don't need to call 911. You don't need to get the police involved. They can handle it from here.
Heather Mcginley (07:07)
It was bad.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (07:35)
And I can see that he's not on the phone with anyone. Like I can see, you know, and ⁓ I said, well, you know, that's unfortunate that they say that. I disagree. I'm gonna call the police. I'm gonna.
Heather Mcginley (07:46)
Can
I ask you, were you scared at that point? putting myself in your shoes, I would be like, something is wrong here and I am here alone.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (07:51)
I was.
Yes, I was. So it was like 5pm. So it was rush hour traffic. Everybody's driving by us. We're on this like really skinny side of the road. And a lot of people that I've talked to, like, I've talked to therapists about this. I've talked to a couple of friends about this, where they're like, why didn't you call anyone to like come join you where you were at? This man very, very quickly started to act very unusual. And I had never been in a car accident before. So
I didn't know if this was that unusual or not. But the minute that I saw him get out of the car and I got his information, I was thinking, something's not right about this guy. And that's when I got his information, because I was like, maybe I'm getting the vibe he's gonna drive away. So he comes up and he and I only roll my window down a crack. And he goes, hey, I'm on with my insurance. And they say, you don't need to call the cops. And immediately I'm like, that's not right. I know I've only been driving for three years at this point. That doesn't sound right.
And so I said, well, that's fine. I'm going to call them anyway, because I know that, you know, in Nashville, you're supposed to or whatever BS I said. So I'm going to call them anyway. So I call and I let them know what's going on. And they're like, okay, we'll have somebody out there. Just hang tight. Don't leave. You know, you're not supposed to leave the scene of an accident, obviously. And so he he's standing outside of my window when I'm on the phone. And I said, hey, what's your name again? And he said his name again. And I told them his name and ⁓
Heather Mcginley (09:00)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (09:11)
the police told me, call your insurance and then call his insurance. Like you need to speak to his insurance. And so I tell him, was like, hey, you need to call your insurance, the person who you just talked to, and I would like to speak to them. And he's like, okay, okay, okay. And he's really upset. And then he like switches and he says, if you get cops involved, I'm gonna kill myself. And he goes, and if you get your insurance involved,
I'm gonna kill myself. And like, I don't wanna, I'm not diagnosing anybody, but like I watched this man go from, Jeepers, golly whiz, this is terrible to like, I'm gonna kill myself if you call the cops. And.
Heather Mcginley (09:51)
Yeah. Well, then
you know you're in a, you know, it's kind of like sometimes, and you'll hear this often, I'm sure as a woman, you have heard this many times too, well, why didn't you do this or that? This is why whenever you're in a situation with someone who's bigger than you and not, not all, not all together.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (09:59)
Yes.
This is what.
Right.
Right. And also, as women, I'm sure men go through this too. I am not a man, but we have always had that moment where we're talking to someone and we realize, uh-oh, this conversation isn't what I thought. Whoops, I'm just gonna breathe and stay calm. So he says, like, I'm gonna kill myself. And in hindsight, I don't know why. I think it's the comedian in me, like taking bad situations and making jokes, but I looked at him and I was like, dude,
Heather Mcginley (10:26)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (10:36)
you just told me that you pay $600 a month for car insurance. And he goes, yeah. And I said, so why would you pay all that money and then kill yourself? And there's like a long silence and he goes, yeah, you're right. You're right. And I was like, okay. I said, so call your insurance. It doesn't need to get there. So then I call 911 back. So he goes back to his van. And while he's standing back there, I can see him looking at my car and just like,
Heather Mcginley (10:51)
my God.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (11:05)
getting angry and talking to himself and shaking his head. He's not on the phone, he's just mumbling things to himself and he's just getting really worked up. And ⁓ I called 911 again and I was like, hey, I am afraid of this man. I think he's on drugs. He was behaving very erratically, just the way he was moving. And I knew that you couldn't report drunk driving or intoxicated driving of any kind if you don't file a police report. You can't do that the next day. And so I said, I really need someone to...
Heather Mcginley (11:26)
Yeah.
Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (11:33)
come out here? Is there any way that you can send somebody now? And they were like, well, we'll send them as fast as we can. But I'm, put in your file that you're afraid of this man. And I was like, okay, but can you specify that I think he's on drugs? Like, I, it's not just me being like, my gosh, I'm scared. Like, I literally think they need to come check this guy out. So he comes back up to my window and like every five or six minutes, he keeps trying to get me to roll my window down and I'm not going to roll my window down. And he keeps trying to get me to get out of my car and I'm not going to get out of my car.
Heather Mcginley (11:58)
now.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (12:01)
On one side of me, cars are going by in like less than a foot away. And then on the other side of me, it's him and a ravine. Like those are my options. It's like, get back out into traffic with a car that I know is dragging metal or drive off into a ravine and then do what? Like, I don't know what you do after that. And so every once in a while he would get really, really mad.
Heather Mcginley (12:15)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (12:21)
And he'd be like, hey, this is bullshit. Like, we don't need to sit here on the side of the road like this. Like, we already tried to call the cops and they're not coming. You already called my insurance. Because I did. He finally had to call his insurance. And I spoke to them. And they said, and they were on speaker. And they said, OK, so what's your address? And I said, no, ma'am. And she goes, I'm sorry, I need your address. And I said, no, you don't. I was like, you can call me tomorrow and you can get my address.
Heather Mcginley (12:45)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (12:46)
I said, I'm not gonna give you my address. And she's like, you're not. And I'm saying this on speaker with him standing right there. And she goes, you're not gonna give me your address. And I said, ma'am, no, not with our current audience. I'm not gonna give you my address. Okay, then we'll have to have an agent call you tomorrow and get it. Great, have an agent call me. Like, is that punishment? Girl, do you know who I'm standing with? Right, right, the whole situation.
Heather Mcginley (12:52)
Yeah, he can't know where you live.
She was not catching the vibe.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (13:12)
It was just weird top to bottom. And now I know this, being in my first accident, I didn't know how weird that was. I didn't know how inappropriate it is that they know you're standing right next to this person and they're telling you to give your personal information. And so, so he starts to like talk to himself. He starts to tell me like that I'm going to ruin his life. He starts to tell me that I'm going to make him lose his job. He starts to say things like he's going to kill himself. He starts to say things like he might as well just end it all right here.
Heather Mcginley (13:20)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (13:41)
He's like glaring at the back of my van and then every, or my car and every once in a while he'll like look at me and he'll make like a beeline for his driver's side. And I'm like, oh, he's getting a gun. Like this is the moment where he gets a gun. Like, oh no, this is not good. And then he would just like come back out of his car and just stand there and never having grabbed anything. It was just wild. I ended up calling 911 seven times. I ended up calling a 311 eight times. Nobody ever came.
Heather Mcginley (13:55)
God.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (14:10)
police officers never came. We sat there for five hours, five hours together on the side of the road. And the worst part was it went from cars are driving like crazy on the side of us to nobody is out here. Now it's, yes, now it's dark. The street lamps are hundreds of feet away. Nobody is out here. I've already been told multiple times by 911 that I'm not allowed to leave.
Heather Mcginley (14:23)
which is almost worse.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (14:34)
He's banging on my window telling me that I'm ruining his life. He's gonna kill himself. We've been out here forever. He needs to go, yada, yada, yada. He's lied to me about talking to his insurance and saying they don't need to get the cops involved. He's lied to me about so many different things right now. And the whole time, I've just, like for five hours, I just had my hands on the wheel and I had my husband on the phone and he even heard this gentleman speaking and he's like, is he drunk? Like what?
Is he like out of his mind? And I said, I think he's on drugs. I think he's either on drugs or he's intoxicated. And I found out later that he actually had multiple accidents out currently with his insurance company being in process. And so that was, think, of the reasons. Not only that, but he hit me in a work vehicle intoxicated. Yeah. So long story short, the whole entire time we're sitting out there, I think this man's going to shoot me. But at the same time,
Heather Mcginley (15:13)
Yeah, that's why he was paying so much per month.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (15:31)
No officers are coming out. I've called 911 several times. I've explained to them, I'm very scared. I feel like he has something in his car. I feel like he's on drugs. I really need somebody to get out here. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. like I'll take the fall if you check in for a weapon and doesn't have one. Roadside assistance comes out and I said, I really think you need to check this guy out. And they said, well, do you need medical assistance? And I said, I don't think I need medical assistance. And they said, well,
then we're probably not gonna give him medical assistance. And I said, okay, great. And I said, I got some of his information. I'm probably gonna somehow take a picture of his ID. And he said, well, if you take a picture of his ID, he gets to take a picture of your ID. And he says this in front of the guy. And I was like, well, I guess I'm not taking a picture of his ID then. Like it was like those dreams where nobody will help you.
where every, you know what I mean? Where it's like, why is everybody acting like I'm crazy for doing things the right way? Like I just took my driver's test. I know how this works. Like you call the cops and you don't flee the scene of an accident and you take a picture of their ID if they hit you.
Heather Mcginley (16:16)
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will interject here just real quick, and I know this isn't the point of why we're talking today, but it occurs to me, and this is something we haven't talked on this podcast yet, and I think this is a good way to bring this up. This happens to women every day, where you're in a situation and you need help and nobody will help you and it feels like everyone's trying to get you hurt.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (16:42)
Every day. Every day.
Yes.
Yes, yes. And there would be times where I thought he was in his car the whole time. And it turns out he was just standing behind my car in a way that I couldn't see. He was just like in my blind spot. And he's just been standing there like staring at me for who knows how just very scary. And again, it's like, it's hard to put into words. But I was like, physically shaking the whole time because the adrenaline was just like pumping through my body. And so finally, it's been five hours, and I'm like, you know,
Heather Mcginley (16:57)
that's better.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (17:15)
Let's just go. Let's just get out of here. I'm not sitting around here any longer. I don't care. Take me to jail, I guess. Better than being stuck out here with this guy. So I tell him, I was like, hey man, I'm just going to file online. I'm just going to talk to somebody tomorrow. You can go. And he speeds away. Speeds away. We're talking 90 to 100 miles an hour. He just gets in his van and he takes off. And I asked my husband later, I was like, if he dies on the way home, can his insurance still pay me out? that, like they have to be right? And he's like, yes, they have to pay you out.
Heather Mcginley (17:16)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (17:43)
So, and like that was really weird, but what ended up happening is for 90 days, I ended up fighting for my life against his insurance company. I had to look up his records online and present them with his records that he has a history of driving without a license and driving intoxicated. I had to send that to them and be like, why are you covering this man?
pay me like why why are you even covering this guy he if I can find it in 30 seconds on Judy records calm shout out to Judy records calm you can find anything any legal records you want. They they tried to tell me that they tried to blame me they tried to say that we were both in the wrong the police the Nashville police told me that I fled the scene of an accident.
Heather Mcginley (18:07)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (18:28)
when I called the next day to tell him what happened. And I said, I waited there for five hours and I called you eight times. Look at it. I know you can see it. Look, I called you eight times. And they were like, yeah, but you still fled the scene of an accident. And I said, no, I didn't. And he goes, are you still there? And I said, no. And he goes, so it sounds like you fled the scene of an accident. like villains everywhere. couldn't believe it.
Heather Mcginley (18:35)
Yeah.
Yeah, well, and
like ask him, did anyone ever show up? Did someone show up and I wasn't there? I mean, that's like the counterpoint to that is, well, when did a car show up?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (18:51)
Nobody ever showed up.
nobody ever showed up.
No, and one of the reasons we left Nashville was because I needed the police and my husband needed the police once and nobody ever showed up. He got robbed at a restaurant and nobody ever showed up. Even though the guy said, I'm going to remember your name and your face and I'm going to come back if you call anybody like nobody ever showed up. And so, so for the for the next 90 days, I had to keep recording.
Luckily, Nashville, I learned so much about the legal system during this time. I would record every conversation that I would have with his insurance company because they would accidentally screw up and say something and I would send that recording to the other agent and be like, she wasn't supposed to tell me this legal thing about him, pay me. Like, she wasn't supposed to tell me this bit of information either. That's like breaking all sorts of violations, pay me. Like, you're gonna send a tow truck out? Why has it been six weeks since you said you were gonna send a tow truck out? Why am having to call you every day? So for 90...
Heather Mcginley (19:21)
that.
Well,
well, and to set the context for the audience, that 90 days was you trying to get your car fixed during that whole time. Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (19:52)
Just fixed, literally
just fixed because it turned out the back bumper had basically been separated and that he blew out my back tire. So I had a flat tire and they tried to tell me, first of all, they told me what mechanic to go to. Then they later refused to pay the bill because that wasn't in network, but I sent them the recording of their agent telling me to go there and they ended up having to pay that out. They told me that the tire was actually popped because of a nail at the mechanic, not because of their customer, yada yada yada.
I ended up winning because I had all of these recordings of people doing their job really bad. I had all of the screenshots of his legal record that they shouldn't have even covered to begin with. I had to fight tooth and nail. I was missing work. I almost got fired from my job because I like they there was the day after I got hit was supposed to be like our in office day. Obviously I missed it. And even though I told my manager ahead of time and she was totally fine with it, the higher ups like
thought that I was just trying not to come to work, I guess. And they said, well, you don't get to work from home anymore. You get to come in every single day as punishment. And my manager was like, great, are you going to give her a ride? Like, that, like, who's going to go get her? I missed my best friend's wedding shower. I missed classes that I taught in the evening. Like I was for, for four months, I was missing.
Heather Mcginley (21:00)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (21:11)
socialization with people. wasn't able to go to work. I wasn't able to do like my side hustles. I wasn't able to like the stress was so intense. I wasn't even able to like interview people for my podcast because every 10 minutes I was getting phone calls and if I missed one phone call that might be the one where they decide to pay me or whatever. ⁓ was doing like everything I could possibly do to try and get this just I just wanted them to pay for the damage of my vehicle.
Heather Mcginley (21:30)
Right.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (21:38)
And people
have asked me in the past, they're like, why didn't you just pay for it and get reimbursed? And I'm like, no, that's not how this works. I'm not going to pay for all of this damage that I know I'm going to get charged extra for just because. Like I know they're just going to charge me as much as they possibly can, only so they can promise to reimburse me in like six to eight months. My wedding was coming up. I couldn't go wedding dress shopping because I couldn't travel very far. It was just like an absolute nightmare. But what?
Heather Mcginley (21:52)
Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (22:06)
One of the things that like really, really just messed me up about the whole thing is one, for five hours, I literally thought I was gonna die. Like I literally thought this man was going to either shoot me or somehow get into my vehicle and like kill me. I thought I wasn't like in my head, you your brain's doing all those things like I'm never gonna get married. Like the newspaper is gonna talk about like a girl, you know, six months before her wedding gets murdered. It's gonna get brushed under the rug. Right, right. You're gonna be a statistic.
Heather Mcginley (22:14)
Yeah, yes.
Right, I'm gonna be one of those gals.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (22:34)
⁓ this guy's like on crack and he's going to like send people after me or whatever. but then also something that really, really messed me up. And I actually ended up having to go to like counseling specifically for anger is that I've been in professional debate for over a decade. And the only reason this ever came to any resolution whatsoever is because I knew my rights and I knew how to debate.
and I knew that I didn't have to take no for an answer. Like that is the only reason I did not get totally screwed. And my car was not old, it was brand new. So in my mind, I'm like, I would be 30 grand in the hole with a car that doesn't work with, like on top of that, I would need thousands of dollars to make these repairs. imagine if I didn't have a semi work from home job.
Heather Mcginley (23:19)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (23:27)
I'd be either paying Ubers every day. They didn't offer me a rental. I had to fight them to give me a rental two different times for one week at a time. And then they tried to charge me extra for it being like a week and a day. And like the only reason I was able to resolve the issue is because I knew that I was allowed to call the cops. I knew that I was allowed to say, no, that doesn't work for me. Try again, progressive. Yeah, you hear me progressive? Yeah, like.
Heather Mcginley (23:51)
you
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (23:54)
And I remember the last guy that I ever spoke to from Progressive, it took me 90 days to even get them to come out and assess my vehicle. They weren't even coming out to assess it. That was my main argument was, you haven't seen it. You haven't seen it. Come out here. Yeah, stop telling me where this damage is from that you know so well. You haven't seen it. Nobody has been out here. Like that was my number one thing. It's like nobody's come out here. And so the last guy I talked to, nice guy.
Heather Mcginley (24:06)
Right, this is made up.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (24:16)
He was like, look, I looked at your car and unfortunately I ran the VIN numbers on your tires and they're from 2018 and that's like beyond the age that we reimbursed because that means they were really old. And I told him, I was like, look, was like, Matt, you seem like a nice guy. You do. And I believe you. I believe you that you ran these VIN numbers. I believe you my tires are from 2018. You could tell me that these tires are from tutankhamun Commons tomb and I would believe you.
Heather Mcginley (24:36)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (24:44)
but they worked until he hit me. They could be from the freaking Renaissance and they worked until your customer hit me and I need you to pay for these tires. Like I need you to do this for me. And like the axle was also goofed up, but they fixed the axle the first time I went to the wrong quote unquote mechanic. ⁓ But what really messed me up and what has like totally completely changed the trajectory of my
Heather Mcginley (24:48)
We can't get past that part.
Right.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (25:11)
future since then truly like at the risk of sounding dramatic is I realized if I was not educated on what my rights were and how to communicate and how to debate and how to stand up for myself and how to not take no for an answer. My life would I have been able to afford my wedding like what I have been able to look what I've gotten fired from my job like what who knows like if I was just a normal person working an hourly job somewhere who needed my car every single day maybe I had kids that need to go to school like
my life would have been quite sincerely ruined by a man on drugs driving erratically in a work vehicle on a fricking Tuesday night or Thursday, or I think it was a Thursday. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (25:43)
Yeah.
in a moment. Well, and you're
too, you're making me think too. We've had this conversation a couple of times on this podcast. So it's something that stuck with me and I, I've experienced this personally in my life too. How so many of us, really all of us, I think live on a thread. Like things could so easily go left or right. And you know, and I know, so Sydney and I are personal friends and I know Sydney to be like, don't get into a fight with Sydney. You will lose. You will absolutely lose. You are on it.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (26:06)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I got time, baby.
Heather Mcginley (26:20)
You are smart. You are prepared. You know every detail. You know the facts. You don't just like like like some people win because they're steamrollers you win because you know the facts and you can call them up at a second's notice. So just don't get into a fight with Sydney FYI. You will lose. But it's been impressed on me and I hear this with you too. Like from what you just said living on a thread like it could have gone the wrong way. So so so so easily which is just something I've been sitting with like so many of the things in our life like
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (26:31)
Yes.
Yes.
Heather Mcginley (26:48)
You know, you come so close to things going in a very different direction and this show being about endings, most of the people on here, we found a way to make a great second chapter. That's not how it is all the time.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (26:52)
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Right. Right. And, you know, I have a pretty good support system. Like if shit had hit the fan for me, I could probably move across the country, you know, back into my parents' basement or something with my husband and my pets or whatever. But like, it made me realize, like the reason I fought them so hard is because I realized they do this to people every day. And
Heather Mcginley (27:20)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (27:21)
Every day they're allowed to ruin lives for the sake of a paycheck and that pissed me off so bad That not only was I mad that whole time and I had to be a freaking bulldog every single day but after that it like I Literally had to start seeing a therapist because I was so mad just like just everything and everyone like anytime I would read a news article about like
Heather Mcginley (27:40)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (27:46)
somebody not getting their due process or somebody being, you know, falsely accused of a crime they didn't commit because they happen to be lower income or they happen to be the wrong, like it just, it made me so angry that I knew I would stay angry if I didn't like get professional help too.
Heather Mcginley (28:05)
Well, let's talk
about that because I actually miraculously somehow, Sydney and I have not talked about this beforehand, but I've been thinking about rage lately. The difference between rage and anger. And I think it's a very interesting conversation. I think it shows up differently in people. Like for me, I'm not scary if I'm angry. I can be angry and I can act like a normal person. If I am rageful.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (28:12)
Yes.
Heather Mcginley (28:27)
I go completely silent, it is like so still and quiet and I know to go to my room and shut the door and don't come out till I get over it because things are gonna go real bad. Can you talk about that difference for you and how that showed up in your life after this?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (28:28)
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Yes,
absolutely. One, I think it kind of, don't want to say reckless, but it made me vengeful when people would, one of my coworkers got hit by a car a few weeks later and I immediately pulled her aside and I was like, did they give you their information? Did you this, did you that? And she's like, yeah, yeah. I was like, did you this? Okay, go on Judy records and look this person up anyway. one thing I keep hearing is,
most accidents aren't like yours. Like most accidents, vendor-bender, exchange information, the end. It's like it's over. ⁓ But like it made me hyper aware of just all the like mean, bad, negative stuff going on around me. And the only thing I'm grateful for is I feel like it made me angry for the correct side of things, but it's still just
Heather Mcginley (29:08)
Yeah, easy.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (29:28)
ate me alive on the inside. Like I could never just, I could never approach things that were upsetting in a normal way. I approached them with like, we're gonna give vengeance. Like, let's go. Like we're gonna do anything. Okay, relax, you know, just because maintenance didn't call you back doesn't mean you have to, you know, start building a file on them. It's okay. But it made, what pissed me off the most is it made me afraid. And I am never afraid.
Heather Mcginley (29:34)
you
Let's ride.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (29:56)
I, to this day, if I'm in a crowd, I assume somebody's gonna start shooting. I'm, we were driving through New Mexico and in the middle of the night, a car was driving too close to me and I was just like sobbing. I was just sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, cause I knew they were gonna hit me, they were gonna like, it was just gonna repeat itself. And that's when my husband had to be like, if they'd hit you, would have been a fender bender. If they bumped you, you would have pulled over, I would have been there, we would have exchanged information. I promise you not everyone is like this guy.
But just the idea of like, while I was sitting there, it's like, I'm gonna miss my wedding. Nobody's gonna know where this happened or how this happened. Like nobody's gonna know who to reach out to. Nobody's gonna know who did it. Nobody's gonna try and help me. The cops aren't gonna come out here. Like my brain was just like, my God, and then my mom's gonna have to pay for like a funeral. She's gonna have to come to my funeral. And like, she can't lose somebody else, because my dad died when I was young. And then what, how's gonna, like my brother's life is over, because he's like, and like your brain just like spirals and spirals and spirals. And so like,
Heather Mcginley (30:43)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (30:50)
Even now, I just, I start like sweating when I'm in the car and I'm having to drive or when I'm like on a busy intersection because like I just, I think it impacted me a lot more in that way than I had time to process at the time because I went from getting out of there to now I got to fight this insurance company for four months. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (31:06)
Yeah.
Let me
ask you, do you feel like, you are in a fight or flight mode, it sounds like, for like three to four months straight through. I think that does long-term damage to a person.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (31:15)
Yes.
Yes, yes, it did,
100%. And it's so interesting you say that because I've done a lot of research since then about how like, maybe you don't hit your head, but the traumatic nature of sitting there on high for five hours straight, I really do think it impacted my brain.
Heather Mcginley (31:36)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (31:42)
because I've noticed since then, ever since this happened, ever since I had that experience, I just have not been the same person. It's been very difficult to try to figure out how to interview people for my podcast. I've noticed that I've become like, I've gone from being that dependable person to being the person who's like the hardest to get in touch with via email, the hardest to respond to text messages because I just, my brain just like,
It's almost like having all that time to explore the fact that I might die like right there kind of made me not really care about anything anymore. And so I stopped teaching classes. Luckily I had just graduated so it didn't impact like my masters or anything, but I stopped teaching classes. I stopped doing standup. I stopped doing storytelling. stopped, like I really slowed down interviewing people. ⁓ I haven't interviewed anybody since like January. I just, I don't know it like it.
it pivoted. And so now, every day, I'm just like, I need to do something that like matters. And that's, and I felt before my podcast, felt like mattered so much to me, like talking to people and sharing their stories. And like, that was like my thing, and it still is. And I still love doing it. But like, I just, for whatever reason, I can't like unlock that part of my brain anymore.
And I'm sure it'll come back. I can feel it kind of slowly coming back, but it's almost like, it's so hard to describe. It's like, I, if I'm not doing what my brain thinks I should be doing, I can't do anything. So like, I say like, I want to, I want to make episodes for my podcast. And my brain goes, well, that's really like self-serving. And like, I guess you're just back to like your old selfish self, like go out there and do something that you. Yeah.
Heather Mcginley (33:03)
Yeah.
Yeah.
I see like it makes you feel silly the things that used to bring you joy now
you look at differently that it doesn't feel as good as it used to
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (33:32)
Yeah.
Yeah, and I know that's not true. I know that's not true. Like, I get emails from people that are like, Hey, I listened to this episode and it really made an impact, you know, stuff like that. like, I, I have no interest in doing comedy anymore. Which is very interesting, because I spent like 16. Yeah, I spent like 16 years doing it. And it's so hard to describe it just like, it just doesn't match my interests anymore. And so when we
Heather Mcginley (33:37)
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is wild.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (33:57)
that was kind of the last straw we left Nashville we came to Phoenix and I've just been like raising plants and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I've been like I've been studying cactuses and Venus fly traps and I've been hanging out with my pets and I've been like doing a lot of research and exploring and things like that but and and that all feels really good and I I know that I will get to the point where I can go back to the things I liked doing but it's
Heather Mcginley (34:05)
That's healing. Plants are healing. I have a jungle at my house and I love it.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (34:26)
it's really, oh man, it's so hard to describe. It's like, I don't think I'll ever be the same person. Like whatever happened to my brain that day, whether it was like chemical, whether maybe I did actually get whiplash or a concussion or something, I'm not really sure. But there is a, there was a moment in that five hours where I felt this shift and I changed into a totally different person. And I'm mad that it wasn't
my choice. And I know I'm gonna get emotional, and that's okay. But I'm mad that it wasn't up to me, you know, because you, you go through so many things in life, and you work so hard for the things that you have. And like, I know that somewhere that guy is probably living his life the exact same way he was that morning, you know, he's probably still drinking and driving, he's probably still he maybe he lost his job. And
Heather Mcginley (34:57)
yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (35:20)
But I'm, I miss, I can see it in people's face when I like drop the ball on something. Like whether it's I was supposed to be ready to do something in a certain amount of time and I was the least prepared or whatever. And they're like, what is wrong with her? And I don't want to say, hey, remember a year ago when I got hit by that van and I made like a bunch of jokes about it. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (35:30)
Yeah. Yep.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (35:43)
that actually kind of really messed me up because it sounds like an excuse. But my first instinct was don't be a bummer. Don't be a buzzkill. Like don't talk about it. And so I haven't talked about it to anybody. So they probably don't even realize it's still a factor. But like, every day, every single day, I think about it at least once because of something I think about or something I remember or something I feel and like
Heather Mcginley (35:45)
Yeah. Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (36:07)
I have not been able to stop thinking about it. And I also have not been able to stop thinking about how like every day that goes by, it's kind of just me, you know, it's like just in my court. And so now that we've moved, I know that I'm gonna like talk to a counselor about it and like just keep working through it. But it's just upsetting because I won, I won and I still feel like my life was...
Heather Mcginley (36:16)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (36:32)
I hate to use the word ruined, the life that I used to have was the life that have now. I find a lot of joy in my current life where like I love my husband. I love my pets. I love Phoenix, Arizona. If you've never had a chance to come, it is one of the most magical places on planet Earth. Right. So like in that year, many, many wonderful things have happened. You know, I graduated. I feel like what I've been working on has been going well. It's different than it used to be, but it's there. But like,
Heather Mcginley (36:37)
Right.
I love Arizona.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (37:01)
You know, I have my MFA in creative nonfiction, and I just like, I can't write. I have this podcast that I was, I had like a documentary I was working on. had like interviews I was going to do. I was really excited. And it just like, you can literally see on all of my stuff where around January, it just cuts off. I don't really post anymore. Yeah, like, definitely. Like it just, I, I just, I guess I just can't find
Heather Mcginley (37:18)
Yeah, I noticed. I noticed.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (37:26)
it doesn't seem like it should be important to people. And so it's tough to participate in. And even when I find something where I'm like, wow, I'm really interested in that, I really wanna get involved in that, I just can't. And it's so hard to understand why. And it's, I don't know. You hear people say all the time, like, I had to stop this job because of anxiety or whatever. And people go, because of anxiety? Like, you're so soft or whatever. But like,
Heather Mcginley (37:39)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (37:54)
there is literally a feeling in your chest when you recognize like, I'm not gonna be able to see this through, I'm not going to be able to, or like, I've got this thing, but it's gonna take me a week to recover from it, or something. One of the things I'm kind of struggling with right now is, you we moved to a new city, I work remotely, I don't talk to people, I don't talk to people. Like, there are...
Heather Mcginley (38:16)
They're very solitary.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (38:18)
There are weeks at a time where I realized the only person I talked to was like when I was buying something at the corner store. And so I reach out to a bunch of things and they're like, yeah, come join us this club, this whatever and then I can't. Like it's the it's the weirdest thing. I've got like five emails in my inbox where it's like clubs are like inviting me to join. They're like, yeah, you sound great. Like this sounds like right up your alley. Come on in. We'd love to have you. And then the day comes and I just I can't and I don't know why.
Heather Mcginley (38:32)
Yeah.
Well, I would love to, I think this is a really good conversation. You're making me think about, I had an episode with a woman named Ashley Desanno She was on talking about losing her dad. Her dad died two years ago. She brought something up that I have not been able to forget since we talked about it. She said, you know, whenever these big things happen in our life that are traumatizing, she said, it feels like for most people, you get real hard on yourself.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (38:58)
Mm-hmm.
Heather Mcginley (39:16)
and say, why can't I feel normal? Why can't I do what I'm supposed to do? Why can't, you know, that is like what you tend to say, why can't I get back to normal? Why can't I, why can't I, why can't I? And she said, the thing that I have found, I was like, you are very right. You've been changed. Like whenever these big things happen in your life, and to be honest, I think it's worse when it's involuntary. Like if you've chosen a big change, you have kind of prepped yourself, you've ramped into it, but involuntary changes often happen very suddenly.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (39:16)
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Heather Mcginley (39:45)
You had no control over it. It's probably not something you wanted to do at all whatsoever. And it causes so much damage. And the way she put it was, you have to stop trying to get back to where you were because you're different now. And it's about looking forward and building what's in front of you. The second thing she brought up, and I'm also very on this train, because you just were talking about being so hard on it and not understanding it things like that. And I'm also in that mode after my dad died last fall.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (39:49)
Right?
Yes.
Yes.
Heather Mcginley (40:11)
I'm different, I can't tell you why or how exactly with like words, but I feel it. I definitely feel it. And we talked about how when you're in the trenches, you know, like you're saying, like you wanna go do things you want and it's just not in you and you get so hard on yourself. And it's because we think about healing like a light switch. You wanna flip a switch, do what we're supposed to do and then you're gonna be better like a formula. When really it's like going to the gym. Your workouts for months are gonna suck.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (40:14)
right.
Yes. Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Heather Mcginley (40:38)
they're gonna be terrible. And then eventually over time, it really becomes a practice and then your muscles start doing what they're supposed to do and then you start getting stronger and stronger and stronger. And I think that is a really apt metaphor. Healing is like a practice, it's a lifestyle, it's going to the gym. And it also removes this idea of being so hard on yourself. Like, why can't I get it together? I shouldn't feel this way. But you do, you do feel this way.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (40:44)
Yes.
Right? Right? Right? Yes, 100%. You
feel like somebody else is driving. You know, you're like, I love talking to people. I love interviewing people. I love like everything that I do. And somebody's in the driver's seat going, yeah, but we can't stop right now. Like, we've got to go, you know, a few more miles before we pull over. Yeah. And, and I think in a way,
Heather Mcginley (41:06)
Yeah.
Right?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (41:21)
Also, and I tried to explain this to my therapist, I was like, in a way, I almost feel glad that this happened to me because once I'm through it, I know I'll do something with it, whether it's a project or like, I know that I'll take my experience and I'll do something with it in a way that I hope helps people be like, thank God somebody else understands what I'm talking about. And.
wrote something funny about it or made people pay attention because I people who don't know me when I debate people and when I'm like up against people one of the things that works so well is that I can argue with them but I can also make them laugh while I'm arguing with them so like I can kind of roast them a little bit but also be correct and you know and what I'm saying in my research and stuff and so I I know that at some point I've thought about going back to law school
Heather Mcginley (42:04)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (42:14)
I know that like at some point I will take this and I'll do something with it and I'll be able to articulate it. Maybe I'll write about it. Maybe it'll be like a new style of podcast. Maybe it'll be a memoir. Who knows, you know? But golly, it sucks going through it. It sucks having people look at you different.
Heather Mcginley (42:32)
Yeah, how so? How has that shown up to you?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (42:36)
people who got me involved in things because I was really excited about it. And now I just don't seem very excited about it. And they're like, well, for like two years, though, you were really kicking ass. Like, what's okay. Like, I guess she's just, yes, yes, I feel like I'm at that age where people are recommending me because I'm reliable, and I don't feel reliable at all. And I don't feel organized. And I don't feel, like, like you said, the old version is gone. And
Heather Mcginley (42:40)
So, yeah.
Yeah, you feel like a disappointment.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (43:01)
I know the new version will find what she's supposed to be doing and where, know, who she's supposed to be hanging out with and things like that. like, I don't know how long that's going to take. And I don't know what that end result is, is going to be. And I just feel like before I was, I was kind of silly and I haven't felt silly in a long time. You know, you have moments, right? But, ⁓
Heather Mcginley (43:23)
Like silly, yes, yes, the joke. I noticed
that there's been a drop off in jokes and funny moments. Like I actually noticed, I noticed. I was like, I wonder what's going on with Sydney.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (43:28)
Yes. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah. And, and you know, I think part of that is like just being in my 30s. But also, I definitely think yeah, just just growing up a little bit a little bit, not too much still doing weird shit like shaving my head. But like, yeah, I, it's very interesting. Like my, my best friend said to me the other day, she was like, you know, I worry about you.
Heather Mcginley (43:39)
Growing up.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (43:53)
you know, being in a new city with an at home job and my job is also the evening. So it's like, I don't see anybody. She's like, I worry about you isolating. I've noticed a change in like your personality. And I opened up to her and I was like, to be honest, the change actually happened when I got hit by that car. Like I just didn't make it her problem because she was getting married at the time and I didn't want to like be like a damper.
Heather Mcginley (44:10)
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you're bringing up something too, like how do you handle it when you're going through the trench? I don't know about you. when I'm going through it, I have a hard time saying it. It's not that I don't want to, there's no pride, but it's just like I cannot get the words out.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (44:25)
Yes, yeah, there's no good way to bring it up. And I thought, know, because I was seeing a counselor and like every week I was talking to her about it, I thought like, I'm good, like, that's good. I don't need to make it anybody else's problem. But now that you're in a place where you're like, okay, I really need to start talking to people about this. It's been such a long time that like, people are gonna probably think like, you're still, we're still talking about that? Like, no offense, but like we're still, that's still a thing. That's weird. That sounds like a...
you know, an excuse to call in sick to work or something. But the good news is, and I don't want to call this good news, something that has helped is at the same time, another friend of mine, a guy in the same sphere as me online also got hit by a car, but he got really messed up by the car accident. And we are still able to talk about how it's been a year and he still can't figure out how everybody else is just like,
going on like their lives are his brain has never felt the same his you he's much more sensitive now he finds that he like cries at the drop of a hat now he he said he has he walked out of there not even walked he was so injured he was like gurneyed out of there and he's never been the same person and as much as i obviously hate that that he went through that he he agrees with everything i say about it he's like you're you're not being dramatic i think about it every day you know
Heather Mcginley (45:21)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (45:47)
And so that's been really nice. And so while I've been encouraging him to talk about it, I realized, was like, okay, that makes me like a total hypocrite because we have the same friends and everything. It's like, if he's, if I'm telling him, you you'll feel so much better if you talk about it, nobody will judge you. They might ask some questions. They might not quite understand how severe it was because both of us played it off so well in the very beginning. And then I realized like a couple of weeks ago, I was like, well, shit, I need to do that. But.
Heather Mcginley (46:12)
Yeah.
Well, it's really, it is such a hard thing to do. will say, and I think the funny, well, it's not funny, but I just don't know what else to call it. I think the things that we are most scared to talk about are the things we need to talk about the most, both for us and for other people. I have been shocked to find, you know, some of the things that have been hardest for me to bring up have actually made a positive impact, both for me.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (46:26)
Yes. Yes.
Heather Mcginley (46:38)
Like, you you're not doing it for other people, you know, do it for yourself because it's important to be authentic and for your own healing, but it also has a positive impact on other people. I had a different conversation with someone else and he said this, I was like, I like to thoughts, collect lessons. It's even better when it happens to someone else. And then I don't have to go through the experience, but I'll write it down and I'll take it in for myself, for my life.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (46:47)
Yes.
Yes, yes, same.
Yes. Yeah.
Heather Mcginley (47:02)
And he said, you know, I am very devoted to sharing stories, my stories, and I think other people need to share their stories because what it does is it shows people that there's a possibility that you can make it home after something challenging happens to you. And I think it sheds a light on shame. You know, like what you said, like there's so many things that happen to us and you feel stupid. And I will relate it to like some of the things we go through as women and other things in our life that are involuntary.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (47:14)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Heather Mcginley (47:29)
And
I think there's an aspect to this. Like I know I struggled with this for a long time. I didn't want anyone to know that it impacted me. I'm strong. You know, it didn't hurt me. I won. It's that feeling of I won. And then later I think about it, I'm like, that's the damage actually. That's the damage. Not feeling it, surviving, acting like I'm fine. That's actually the damage right there.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (47:40)
Yes.
Girl, that's drama.
Yeah. Yes. And I also think part of it comes from like our experiences with comedy, too. You know, it's like, how can I how can I turn this into it? Right? Like, how can I turn this into a bit like, but then the problem is, and I'm sure, again, not a man can can't say what men feel, but I'm sure a lot of women listening can relate to this.
Heather Mcginley (47:58)
Yeah, this is gonna be great for my set.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (48:11)
you play it off so well that later when you're like, no, that's real trauma. I should probably tell somebody about this. It's like, it's kind of too late. Like for you in your mind, you're like, no, I should have brought this up a long time ago, but I was too busy laughing about it and crying at night. You know, you tell yourself like, I'm so strong. I'm so resilient. It's like, girl, then why, why are you still crying at night by yourself? Like, why are you still sobbing into your pillow? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, I don't, I don't know. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (48:18)
Yeah.
Right. Yep.
Right, it's still in there. It's still in there.
What is your,
and you may not be ready to talk about this yet, because I think you're still processing, know, and things like this take, it takes a journey to process it. But if you have one that's come to mind, what, do you have a lesson that has come out of this or something that has, you see differently now?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (48:51)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah. I cannot stress to people, especially women, I cannot stress to them enough how much no is ⁓ an answer from you, but you don't have to take it from people who aren't there for you. So like just because the insurance company said like, no, we're not going to cover that. No, doesn't work for me. No, doesn't work for me. We're going to try this again. I expect to hear from you at three o'clock.
And if you don't, here's who I'm gonna call. Like we know is a complete sentence from us in terms of like, you know, consent and things like that. But that doesn't mean that we have to take it from people who are trying to take advantage of us. And like, there are so many, I read stories on Reddit, I hear stories on podcasts where they're like, ⁓ and then, ⁓ you know, I tried to fight for like custody and alimony, but my husband said that I would lose if I tried, so I just didn't.
Heather Mcginley (49:39)
Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (49:55)
Girl, like he was lying to you. He was lying to you the whole time and you're gonna believe him on this? No, girl, say no. Let a judge tell you. Let a judge tell you that you aren't entitled to that. And then that's your answer, right? And then you can deal with that. But I think, you know, if people are going to try to take advantage of you, if they're gonna try and encroach on your space, if they're gonna try and stop you from doing what you need to do to take better care of yourself, no, does not have to be an answer.
Heather Mcginley (49:56)
Keep going.
right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (50:23)
like you do not have to accept it when somebody says, I called my insurance company and they said, don't call the police. If it doesn't make sense, it's because it doesn't make sense. And when I told his insurance agent what he said, she goes, no offense, but we would never say that. She's like, I'm glad you didn't believe him because that would literally be illegal for us to tell you. You need to call the police because it helps us in our case. And I think knowing your rights, knowing, and you know, it's tough to say that because every video you see of somebody going, I know my-
Heather Mcginley (50:40)
Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (50:51)
they're in the wrong, they're doing the wrong thing, you know, like, but...
Heather Mcginley (50:53)
That's like the
clear, that's the clear red flag that they are absolutely in the wrong.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (50:57)
that they're in the wrong and they don't know their rights. But knowing what you're entitled to, or at least being brave enough to explore it. So the person says, no, I'm not gonna help you with this. You say, great. So then what's our next option? What's in your mind, what is the next option? And I'll tell you if that option works for me. Because if not, we're gonna revisit this. Being brave, standing up for yourself. Because I don't want it to sound like I'm saying nobody's looking out for you, but like, nobody's looking out for you.
And even one because you didn't tell them so they don't know to look out for you. know, like there were a lot of people that quote unquote weren't looking out for me because I didn't tell them I needed looking out for I didn't share that with them or nobody's looking out for you because you call 911 a bunch of times and nobody shows up. You call the insurance company and they tell you F off like good luck. And so if it if something doesn't seem right, it's not if something doesn't sit well with you. It doesn't have to. You're allowed to figure out why doesn't that sit well with me. I'm going to
pursue this, I'm going to follow up on this, I'm going to make sure that I completely understand what is going on, what I'm being told. I'm going to write it down, I'm going to record it, I'm going to screenshot it, I'm going to search it to make sure that's the truth, and then I'm going to go from there. But also most importantly, man, like talk to people. Talk to people. I think the biggest mistake I made was not talking to anybody about what was going on and just steeping in it. It's okay to like gather your thoughts and kind of
want to make sure that you present it in a way that will make you feel like you presented it correctly. But if you think nobody cares, they care, they just need to know. If you think somebody's going to think you're stupid, one, they're not. Two, if they do, the trash takes itself out. At least you know who's your friend and who's not. And just like trust your gut and be ready to defend yourself all the time.
whether it's somebody gaslighting you in the drive-through that you didn't order something you know you ordered, whether it's an insurance company saying they're not gonna replace a goddamn tire that they're gonna replace, trust me, they ended up doing it.
Heather Mcginley (52:53)
Right.
Well, you're bringing up what I think is a really good, like take one thing away from this. And it's, I'm not good at this. So I'm not sitting here saying I'm good at this either. Connecting to people, talking to your friends and your family and your support group, or, you know, meeting the people around you that love you, talking to them about what's going on. I think that is so hard to do. For some reason, I can't explain why it's hard because they love you. Like I know it's kind of funny. Like the people around me, someone tells me they're going through a hard time, like, my God.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (53:15)
So hard.
Heather Mcginley (53:24)
Talk to me, what can you do to help? You wanna talk, you know, like what can we do? But then when it comes to yourself, you're like, ⁓ no. Yeah, why would anyone wanna know I need help? that's what it comes down to. Like I don't wanna be vulnerable. I don't wanna be weak. And the thing is, that holds us back from having stronger connections. Like the times I brought it up or I've asked for help in certain ways, I felt so much closer to that person. I feel better. And you know what?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (53:27)
Yes.
Ew. Gross.
Right.
Heather Mcginley (53:50)
Before I brought it up, I felt like a super weirdo. And after I brought it up, I'm like, other people feel this way too. I'm not a weirdo. I'm just traumatized and working through it.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (53:59)
Yeah, yeah.
And also like, your brain will tell you, like somebody's gonna think it's weird, they're gonna have a problem, blah, blah, blah. Let them decide that. Maybe you do tell somebody and maybe they do react like you're a weirdo. One, glad they're being honest. Now I know never to call them again. But two, you won't know until you try. You won't know how somebody is going to respond to something until you give them the opportunity to respond.
Heather Mcginley (54:08)
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (54:25)
And so much of like at work, we do this at school, we do this with our friends, we do this. well, I'm not gonna do this thing I need to do because this is how that person would react. Maybe, maybe not. Yeah, exactly. And like worst case scenario, somebody does act like you're weird. Okay, did anybody die over it? Like get rid of that person, don't talk to them again. My old counselor from years ago said, you need to stop going to the hardware store for milk.
Heather Mcginley (54:34)
Right, and then you know they're not for you.
Yeah.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (54:50)
She said, you go to the hardware store and you ask them if they got milk and they say no. She goes, maybe you go back one more time just to make sure they weren't out of stock that day. And they say, no, we don't carry milk here. If you keep going back asking them for milk and they don't have it and you're disappointed, that's on you. If you keep going to these people who have already told you who they are and what they can be there for, and you continue to go to them for things they've already proven they can't be there for, that's kind of on you now. And you need to figure out.
Who am I gonna go to about these things since this person told me who they are and I need to believe them?
Heather Mcginley (55:24)
Well, that's a good thing to think about too, because so many people get stuck. They keep going in a spiral trying to get the same thing to happen over and over again. It's not working. for some reason, and I do think there's something too, if you keep doing the same thing over and over again and it's not working, you better look at that in therapy because there is something going on there that you cannot walk away.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (55:39)
Yes.
Yes, or that means you need to find a way to expand your circle. the because you know, not everybody is like blessed to have a large network. And I think that's where it becomes important to like reach out to people join clubs do do activities of some sort, find an online presence that matches what you feel like you belong to. And just keep trying because I would rather somebody
try a thousand times and eventually find one person that they can really lean on, then never try again and feel alone for their entire lives or feel like nobody ever relates to them because I promise you, I have seen some really weird, very large communities on the internet. And if those people can find thousands of people just like them, you can find somebody who doesn't think you're weird. I promise you, I promise you.
Heather Mcginley (56:10)
Right.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (56:30)
The furry convention here is huge. It's massive. And you know what? The happiest, most polite group of people I've ever met in the middle of this desert. Let me tell you.
Heather Mcginley (56:33)
thinking about furry.
They're very happy, very connected. Yeah,
I think the one big thing coming from this is stop feeling ashamed about something that was not your fault.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (56:49)
Yes! Yes!
Heather Mcginley (56:51)
Well, I'm not gonna say stop, work towards not being ashamed. Take those steps, it'll take a while. I just told everyone to do the light switch thing when we've been saying go the other way, so.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (56:53)
Yeah, word word. Yeah, stop it right now, you freaking weirdo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
yeah. Be comfortable with the idea and like explore the idea that it's not your fault. Unless you're the guy that hit me and then it is your fault. to be fair, the next day he did admit to everything. When the the when the insurance people like relayed my story, apparently he was like, Yeah.
Heather Mcginley (57:07)
Right. It's absolutely his fault.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (57:19)
yeah, yeah, she's not lying. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. He just, so that was that was like the easiest part was getting in touch with him and getting him to admit to everything he did. ⁓
Heather Mcginley (57:28)
Although I do have to laugh
and then I know we're going down a rabbit trail a little bit, but it does make me laugh when people, when someone does something bad, admits to it and other people are like, well, at least he told the truth. I'm like, I don't buy that. He still did the bad thing. Like, thank goodness he told the truth about the bad thing he did. Great. Give him a cookie.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (57:38)
He's still... Right,
right, right. It's like, well, you know, at least the horrible person is not a horrible person and a liar. So, you know, give them points. Like, he's a danger. He's a menace to society, but he's not a liar. And you gotta give him credit for that.
Heather Mcginley (57:56)
Right, he's only gonna go
the third circle of hell, not the fifth circle of hell, so good for him. All right, well Sydney, I thank you so much for being here. Where can people find you if they wanna work with you or they wanna hear more from you or connect with you?
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (58:00)
Right, right, right. Exactly.
Yeah, so on all social media, I'm Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. S-Y-D-N-E-Y. You can also contact me through my website. I've got a web form on there. There's also a website for my podcast, growingupfundypodcast.com. You can message me through there. All those web forms go to the same place. And if you're in the Phoenix area, I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to connect. Don't be mad if you reach out to me. It takes me a minute to get back to you. I will.
Heather Mcginley (58:33)
Because as we've said,
Sydney has changed.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (58:34)
Right, I will get back to you, but
first I have to have an existential crisis at the email and then process for a week and then I'll get back to you. Six to nine business days. ⁓ But yeah, you can find me on Instagram, on Facebook, on, I was gonna say on Reddit, but I don't think that's my Instagram name on Reddit. All over the place. I've got a YouTube channel. I read all the comments. So if you comment on anything on YouTube, I'll see it and I'll respond. But yeah, feel free to reach out at any point.
Heather Mcginley (58:42)
Ha ha ha.
And I'll put all these links in the show notes too. So you do not have to like pause this and rewind. I will put it in the show notes so you can easily link out to all of these things. And then next week is our season finale. And we are going guestless this time. I'm actually gonna be on to tell a story about saying goodbye to dad on his deathbed last year. The journey has taken place since then. We haven't talked about too much here. I think everyone knows that I came out of fundamentalism. I don't know that everyone knows I have 21 siblings.
Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. (59:11)
It's exciting.
Wow.
Heather Mcginley (59:26)
It's been a whole process of deprogramming myself and so it's been kind of, you know, what Sydney and I were talking about today, my version of Sydney is in the last nine months, ooh, something's different in my brain. I don't know exactly what it is, but trying to process all of that. So we're gonna talk about that. Lessons I've learned, things I'm still working through. Hopefully it is entertaining and not tear-inducing.
But if you liked today's show, you can support us by leaving a like, rating, comment, wherever you're listening. If you didn't like it, send me a private email. Don't put it on the, don't give me a one star. We need the high stars. And then just send me a private email and we will work it out. And then don't forget to subscribe and follow. Thank you to everyone listening to the Happily Never After today, especially for all of you that are on your own journey and we hope you have a great week.