Dating Guide for Gentlemen of a Certain Age
Specifically, cis-het men between the ages of 38-46 who live within a 25 mile radius of the north side of Chicago.
There are certain dating topics that gals talk about A Lot. A Lotta Lot. Because I can’t keep a secret, Imma help you out, my dudes.
Things you may not know:
Profile shenanigans - Women are onto you about writing you want a relationship on your online dating profile so that you get more matches. If you are only open to casual no matter what, tell the truth on that front. The whole sitch will go better, and really, don’t you want someone who is on the same page with you?
Date etiquette - Whoever asks the other out should plan and pay. I cannot tell you how many times a guy has asked me out… and then I planned the whole shebang. And if you meet them and aren’t into it, don’t suddenly ask them to go dutch. That happened to me recently and honestly I thought it was super rude. I always offer to pay, and I don’t mind going dutch, but refusing to pay because you decided you aren’t into it is incredibly rude. For me, the men who actually planned the date they asked me out on started with a big lead over the rest who put in little to no effort. And that advice goes both ways whether you are guy, gal, or non-binary. If you ask someone out, make an effort to also plan it.
Background checks - A lot lot lot of women do background checks on men before they meet them. This is not weird. It is not paranoid. Remember women usually do not have the physical power on a date, and no matter how much we work out, we are probably not going to win in a bad date situation. And while those checks are not (at all) foolproof, I have now caught 5-6 married men and 1 felony sexual assaulter. If you didn’t understand why women do background checks, now you do. Also, go donate to Planned Parenthood or your local rape prevention group. Thank you!
Breakups - Maybe you’ve been seeing someone for awhile and aren’t feeling it any longer. The way we break up shows who we really are. I’ve had three breakups in the past year:
Breakup 1 - We broke up twice after a five-month relationship. It was mutual and the right thing - messy - but nobody was a jerk.
Breakup 2 - We had been dating four months, and I thought we really cared about each other. He did not share anything about how he was feeling with me ahead of time. He just made his own private decision, “notified” me in a five-minute phone conversation, and then ended the call. My personal code is that if I’m willing to sleep with you, I’m also willing to listen to you and I care about your feelings. We’re (hopefully) empathetic grown-ups, and just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean we can’t be caring and kind to someone we spent a lot of time with.
Breakup 3 - He notified me in a text. These days, a lot of people “notify” you of their decision. I personally am more a fan of “This is how I’m feeling. Where are you at?” We’ve become so used to text and email culture that we forget how to talk and listen in real life.
Up your dating profile game:
If you have either of these things on your dating profile, know that your potential dates see these things all day every day (so perhaps consider doing something different.)
Fishing pics - (that include the dead fish.) Honestly I am surprised so many men view a dead fish as romantically enticing, but apparently 85% of the research sample is in the “Hey baby, here’s a fish I caught. And I’m holding it. It’s dead. Let’s go out” category.
Pithy jokes - Specifically, “Partner in crime” or “On Tinder, so clearly life is going well.” Real talk, at least 50% of the profiles say one or both of those exact phrases.
Stand out from the crowd:
If you want a head start over the rest…
Superficial stuff - Good pics that clearly show your face, well-cropped and unpixelated. Most pics from hetero men that I see are honestly terrible. Taken from below, super old, screenshots - so don’t do that! If you do a good job with pics, you’re already ahead of the vast majority of suitors out there.
Connect - Be yourself. Be open to sharing who you are. Be thoughtful, kind and friendly. Show genuine interest and make an effort. Don’t objectify them. Ask questions. Learn consent. Treat your date the way you want to be treated. Don’t be a jerk - unless your true self is actually a jerk in which case maybe go work on that.
Ok so that was our little field trip behind the Gal Curtain for the benefit of all hetero hookups. Live long and prosper, my unpixelated peeps (who are definitely not holding a dead fish while asking someone out.)
And obviously - you do you. These are just my personal experiences and the things that the single women in my life talk about on the daily.
Let me know how you fare! Rootin’ for ya.