Live long and prosper, jerk

I learned to throw the sign before I learned to read.

I grew up in rural Texas, and I’m one of the oldest kids in a very large family - like more than the Duggars large. I was super self-conscious about it for years. I even lied and said I was an only child sometimes. We were super strict evangelical Christian, pro-life, and homeschooled. I even did home perms, which was a generally ill-advised decision - I can still smell the perm-a-licious chemicals if I close my eyes tight enough. 

I feel the need at this point to stress that I am now agnostic, pro-choice, and eschew home perms. Also eschew salon perms. (For the record.)

Growing up, we found super stupid ways to entertain ourselves. We could only consume media that was either Christian, or “old stuff.” (This was a standard rule in most evangelical homes.) At some point, we decided we loved Star Trek. It might have been the costumes, or the special effects, or the super special Vulcan greeting, but we were obsessed. Every week, we purchased a VCR tape from the SuperWalmart that had two episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series, until our closet was a full on Star Trek library. Where there should have been clothes, we had Star Trek tapes. We kept our library under lock and key in our closet, and nobody was allowed to touch them except us.

One of my sisters and I started hosting double feature Star Trek screenings in our super small bedroom on our 13” Panasonic. Siblings who had done favors for us or who were in our good graces were allowed in. If we were mad at you, you had to listen from outside a locked door and stuff your face into the crack to try to see underneath.

We also included snacks at these showings. The most popular items were cans of Coke, microwave popcorn, and Starburst candies. To gain entry, our siblings had to say the password, which was “live long and prosper.” We made them do the hand greeting too, of course. 

My siblings and I have now migrated across the United States and are all very different people - but we remember these Star Trek screenings with a lot of fondness. We did have a situation a few years ago because [[name redacted to protect the guilty]] found the Star Trek tapes in boxes in the garage - and she took them to GoodWill. This [[anonymous party]] innocently mentioned this in our family Facebook group, and everyone lost their sh*t. Obviously. 

As adults, we do all still love Star Trek, although the required Vulcan greeting has also grown up a little… Live long and prosper, jerk.*

*Often replaced by other inappropriate cusswords